The story you are about to read is true (kind of). The names have been changed to project the innovative.A Series of Unfortunate Vents

It was September 21st, 2018; we were working the night watch on the QSR detail.


My partner is Pitco. Eddy Pitco.


My name’s Fry-Day. Grill Sergeant Joe Fry-Day.

It was 2:06 PM when we got a call from a cook in distress. She needed help with a problem. A cooking problem.

Culinary Brown blurted out “I need a Griddle.”



“A three foot Griddle.”

3: 58 PM, Eddy and I drove over to the restaurant and we talked to the owner. We intended to grill her over why she wanted a griddle.

“Are your ducts in a row?”

“Ducts?” Inquired Culinary Brown, “What are ducts?”


“They are a series of unfortunate vents.”

“Whenever you cook proteins, you give off grease-laden vapor.  How you wipe it out must be executed in the manner prescribed by law.”

Common canopy hoods are designed to remove effluent, grease-laden vapor, heat, odors, carbon monoxide.  Their design relies upon moving these undesirable elements to the building’s exterior, an inherently expensive and inefficient system.

Ventless systems which forego the use of outside ducting, mitigate these elements at the source.

By handling the hazards locally, better control can be leveraged over the processes.  Cost savings ensue, and safety is enhanced.

Ventless appliances typically use one or more of several technologies:

·      Hepa-Filters

·      High-speed extraction

·      Catalytic converters

·      Precipitators

·      Carbon Filters

The flexibility and mobility features inherent in ventless make them attractive for both start-ups and renovations.


“you have a right not to waste your money, you have a right not to remain with old systems.  Anything you cook can and will be used against you in computing exhaust fans”

“I know my rights…”

 “That’s right, Culinary, ditch the ducts and go ventless”

“Grill Sergeant?”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“What’s the source of the smoky flavor from a griddle?”

“Just the fats, ma’am.”

On the Menu at Otterbein Lebanon: Whatever You’d Like    

Ventless Griddle is a Game-Changer for Otterbein

The Evo EVent ventless griddle allows Otterbein chefs to not only prepare fresh hot-off-the-griddle meals, but also entertain the residents. With five of EVent ventless griddles throughout the campus Chef Allen offers something many other senior living communities don’t have–a meal menu choice for residents.
Article Link   Click here to learn more about the Evo EVent ventless griddle.   Chef Allen in the Aurora Dining Room at Otterbein     MIDDLEBY Ventless Cooking Solutions     8 Kitchen Innovation Awards for Innovative Ventless Technologies!
The Middleby brand teams are proud of the fact we’ve earned 8 Kitchen Innovations Awards from a tough panel of judges at the National Restaurant Association. What do the awards mean to you? Our ventless cooking equipment is tried and true. In fact, almost 300,000 ventless units have been successfully installed in restaurants globally.
Ventless cooking equipment can be used to prepare any menu program and be placed almost ANYWHERE, in non-traditional sites and are not constrained, or restricted, by Type I hood designs.          

MIDDLEBY Ventless Solutions Brochure   MIDDLEBY | Blodgett | Blodgett-Combi | Evo | Doyon | PerfectFry | TurboChef | Wells


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Darwin Awards
Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company, expecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not
wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered
everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental hospital telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to
bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds
received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries
the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head
to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register which the clerk promptly provided.
The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer – $15.
[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d
just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head knocking him unconscious.
The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store a man
grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk immediately called 911
and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
Within minutes the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID.
To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings,
the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The frustrated man walked away.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked
on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home
near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he’d ever had. 

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family
unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend.
In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost. 

*** Remember, they walk among us and reproduce.